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Ask the Admin: Dealing With a Difficult Boss
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Jodith Allen | Administrative Arts
Jodith Allen has worked in the administrative support field for over 20 years. Her experience includes being an Accounting Clerk, Receptionist, Secretary, Administrative Assistant, and finally Executive Assistant. Her blog, Administrative Arts (http://administrativearts.com), is a resource for persons working at all levels of the administrative support field, from beginners to those with years of experience. On Administrative Arts, Jodith talks about making travel arrangements, provides tips and tricks for Word, Excel, and Access, and gives advice to help you be the best Administrative Assistant possible. She recently released her new e-book, Receptionist Arts, to help those just starting in the field.
Jodith currently lives in Bellingham, Washington, with her husband, three dachshunds, and two cats. She enjoys reading, blogging, gardening, video games, needlework, and walking with her husband and dogs.
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Today we have another question from a reader: how do you handle a difficult boss? Here’s the e-mail I received:
How do you deal with a boss who’s not only moody, but crazy? I swear she must be bi-polar. She will fly off the handle at the smallest thing – and everything in the world is the biggest tragedy. She has not perception of personal boundaries. If someone has food out on the desk such as granola, chips or cookies — she will walk right up reach her hand in the bag and help herself. She can curse a blue streak and is computer illiterate. It’s not like she has been here 35 years and is a part of the woodwork — she was hired in July of 2009 I believe because of her “Dynamic” personality to raise the profile of the organization in the area but I believe she will raise awareness for all the wrong reasons. Any ideas on how to cope?I apologize in advance for the long post, but there are several separate issue here that I’d like to address.
Defending Personal Boundaries
Let’s take the issue of personal boundaries first.
This is an issue that everyone will deal with at some point in their career, if not with a boss, then at least with a coworker. Let’s face it, not everyone has the same concept of personal boundaries. Personally, I have huge personal boundaries, and I mean really huge. If someone gets within 5 feet of me, I get tense. Of course, that’s not a boundary I can rightly defend in the office. Sometimes I just have to share that extended personal space with others. However, I do draw the line at more close contact.
That’s the situation you have here. Her definition of personal boundaries is much different than yours. The only way to deal with such an issue is to address it in a cordial and friendly manner. Ask to talk with her, sit down and explain that the situation makes you uncomfortable. Make sure to address it in a manner that is non-threatening and non-blaming. Your comments should be framed in the form of “I feel x when you do y”. Always address it as your feelings and not her actions. Because that’s what it comes down to. Your feelings. So essentially you are asking a favor of her to not cross your boundaries. “I feel very uncomfortable when you just take food off my desk without asking.” Most likely she’ll apologize and try not to do it any longer. If she does, just giver her a gentle reminder that you are very uncomfortable with that behavior.
Setting and maintaining boundaries is something we all must do every day in all of our interactions. Some are easier to set and maintain than others, but it’s something we have to do for our own peace of mind. Remember though, that in the workplace, you need to choose your battles. Just like I can’t ask people never to come within 5 feet of me, there are times when your boundaries have to be let down a bit. However, on this subject, I’m on your side. She should ask before taking food from someone else.
You can find some excellent books on the subject at Amazon.com such as Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day. I read this particular book some time ago and found it particularly helpful.
