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7 Dos and Don'ts of Fighting Fair

Steve Berman | AdminSecret — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 15:49:00 -0700

How we fight sometimes says more about us than how we got into a fight in the first place. Living a conflict-free life, especially with a loved one, sounds nice but in reality is impossible. Not only that, but it's unhealthy.

Disagreements from time to time, if dealt with maturely and with the requisite kindness, can actually help to strengthen the bond between partners. And that's not simply due to the makeup sex phenomenon, a theme so commonly mimed in sitcoms and romantic comedies.

Yes, fighting within a couple is normal. However, within each fight lies a potential minefield of insensitive comments and dirty tricks. Fights are only productive if done fairly. Here's a list of seven dos and seven don'ts to keep in mind when entering a tiff to make sure you're fighting fairly. Following these rules could be the difference between making up and sleeping on the couch.

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1. Do: Listen to what your partner is saying

This kind of goes without saying. Literally. If your partner doesn't feel like they're being listened to, how do you expect him or her to listen to you?

1. Don't: Mock what your partner says, or how he/she said it

While listening is a good idea, don't listen just to get ammo for a sarcastic comeback. And if you're one of those people who impersonates what your partner says in a dismissive/derisive tone, you definitely aren't fighting to get anything accomplished, you're just passive aggressive.

Next Page: Do: Be honest with your emotions →

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2. Do: Be honest with your emotions

Sometimes just explaining calmly to the other person why something is bothering you can cut a fight's time in half or more. Saying something like, "You really hurt my feelings when you forgot to call and let me know where you were," is a lot more effective than screaming, "Where were you?!?!"

2. Don't: Cry just because you can

If you're legitimately driven to tears, there's nothing you can do. But if you turn on your eye faucets at a moments notice to manipulate your partner, you're just blackmailing someone emotionally.

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3. Do: Treat your partner as a friend

It can be hard if a fight causes you to get angry, but you have to remember that the reason why you're fighting is that you care about each other. If you didn't care, you'd both just go your separate ways. Always treat your partner with respect, don't resort to name-calling or cheap insults as a substitute for making a valid point based on logical reasoning.

3. Don't: Blab about the fight to your friends

Sometimes it's tempting to bitch about your loved one's actions to a sympathetic ear, one you know will always back you up – regardless of whether you're right or wrong. Don't do it. If you let others in to a fight you have with your partner, your partner won't trust that your private conversations are actually private, and he/she will feel like they're being ganged up on. If you're tempted to run to a friend and complain rather than work out the drama, then perhaps it's time to think about moving on from that relationship.

Next Page: Do: Apologize whenever necessary →

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4. Do: Apologize whenever necessary

Unless the fight is 100% the other person's fault (like if you've just caught them cheating or stealing something from you), it doesn't hurt to apologize, especially if the other person is willing to or has already apologized. It takes two to tango, and it takes two to fight. If one person always feels like they need to apologize, they'll soon start to wonder why they're always in the wrong and feel resentment. Part of compromise is giving up the idea that each fight has a clear winner and loser. People who fight that way often end up losing all around in the end.

4. Don't: Apologize and take it back in the same breath

Nothing upsets another person more than saying something like, "I'm sorry I didn't take your feelings into account, but …" Whatever is said after the word "but" is generally something that completely negates the apology. If you mean you're sorry, say that you're sorry and then end the sentence. Don't apologize just so you can get a reciprocal apology.

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5. Do: End the fight as soon as possible

If you're in the middle of a fight and you see the finish line, it's best just to let the fight end. Focus on positive words and new ideas for how the two of you will avoid fights like this in the future, without rehashing the same fight-worthy topics again and again out of boredom or spite.

5. Don't: Walk out on a fight

Perhaps the most passive-aggressive fight tactic is the leave-the-room-and-slam-the-door maneuver. Even worse is when you leave the house or apartment where you're fighting entirely for a cool off moment. If the other person still wants to talk and there's a chance for things to work out, storming off is an immature move; something people do if they don't want to make things right with the other person.

Next Page: Do: Give the yelling a rest →

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6. Do: Give the yelling a rest

Even if your partner knows he or she is wrong, it's impossible to want to make up with someone who's screaming. It's normal for your voice to raise an octave or two when you're emotional, but try not to alarm your neighbors or your partner with a decibel level similar to a plane taking off.

6. Don't: Go to sleep angry

Once it's deemed okay to turn out the lights and sleep back-to-back (or one on the bed, one on the couch), it becomes easier and easier to end fights without really ending them. Soon there's a multitude of unresolved issues bubbling under the surface of your relationship, liable to erupt at any time.

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7. Do: Stand up for yourself

While much of this advice is about being a calmer, gentler fighter, by no means should you be a pushover. Part of fighting fair is being fair to yourself, and that means honestly conveying when you are upset and why. In the end, nobody wants to be with someone with no backbone.

7. Don't: Fight dirty

When you're with a person for a long time, you learn pretty much everything about them, good and bad. The key is to not hold onto the bad information and use it in the middle of a fight to throw the other person off. If you're fighting, it's not the time to bring up the substance abuse problems of your partner's sibling or parent, or how everything would be better if they weren't still unemployed. Picking at emotional scabs is something that you need to avoid if you want to sustain a loving relationship.

There you have it, seven dos and seven don'ts. We chose the number seven because it's lucky, just like those of us lucky to be in a relationship where both parties fight fairly. Remember, some fighting is inevitable; it's the couples that work through disagreements and get through quarrels unscathed that have the strongest, most long-lasting relationships.

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6 Bad Habits to Blame on Technology

Jeff Hindenach | AdminSecret — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 16:27:00 -0800

Technology pretty much runs our lives these days. From our work life to our home life, we have computers, phones, and gadgets helping us with our daily routine. But is technology taking over and shifting our societal norms? Is
too much technology a bad thing?

Sometimes we are so used to relying on technology to help us out, we forget how to act in a world void of it. We tend to blame technology for all those daily faux pas we commit. If you’ve ever heard or used (or even thought of!) any of these excuses, you’re not alone. Here are six of the most common
bad habits we blame on technology.

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“Hey, I know we’re having a conversation, but someone more important just texted me.”

You know the person: They take their phone out at the beginning of the meal or a conversation, and every 5 minutes or so they are checking to make sure they haven’t
missed a text or email. Maybe that person is you! Nothing is more annoying than not having the attention of the person you are with, especially in a one-on-one situation. If you are in a group, it’s a little more acceptable.

Regardless, your annoying habit is saying that you really don’t care about the conversation or company, and you have better things to worry about. If that’s not the message you want to portray, put your phone away.

Next Page: “I’m breaking up with you over a text message... " →

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“I’m breaking up with you over a text message so I don’t have to deal with this in person.”

Accountability has gone out the window with the rise of technology and the web. The Internet gives us the option of not dealing with the immediate fallout of a situation. If you are mad at someone, you can leave a nasty comment on their Facebook wall. If you want to
break up with your boyfriend, but don’t want to deal with the tears, you can shoot her a text.

The truth is, this solution only delays and amplifies the fallout. Now you have to deal with the original fight and explain the nasty Facebook post. Or you get the bad rap of being the girl who breaks up with guys via text. Hiding behind technology shows a lack of courage, and will only come back to haunt you in the end.

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“Sorry I rear-ended your car, but I HAD to send this funny text to my friend.”

Texting and emailing while driving has become a dangerous pastime in this country. Actually, there’s a wide range of distracting activities people do while driving, but texting seems to be the most rampant. A whopping 81% of Americans admit to texting while driving, while around 30% of accidents are caused by texting while driving.

Bottom line: if your eyes aren’t on the road, you are being a reckless driver. You're controlling a large, heavy piece of machinery, one that can crush an old lady or a group of girl scouts in a split second. If a message is so important that you have to send it right now, pull over to the side of the road before you text. It’s just safer.

Next Page: “My friends and family can see my Facebook updates... " →

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“I know all my friends and family can see my Facebook updates, but I NEED to tell everyone how drunk I am right now.”

Facebook and Twitter have expanded the definition of TMI. Over-sharing has become a way of life for most, with little concern about how it might affect them later in life. Everything is searchable online these days. Want to post a status about how you were drunk and danced on a table at happy hour? Think about how it might affect a job search down the road.

If you really must share every detail of your life with the world, at least set up a filter system within Facebook to limit what your family and coworkers can see. Set your privacy settings on all your social networking tools to the highest setting. You will save face with your family and possibly save your job.

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“OMG, LOL!! That is crazeeeee! TTYL!”

What does that even mean? It seems that more and more these days, the English language is being passed over for phonetic spelling and a random string of letters. We’re all for being efficient and quick communicators, but does needing a decoder ring to decipher your message really save me any time?

If you are texting good friends who understand your random acronyms, then feel free to keep using them. But if you’re sending texts or emails to family, coworkers, or, heaven forbid, your boss, keep the random spelling, shorthand, and emoticons out of the message.

“Sorry I’m an hour late, but I texted you to tell you I was running behind.”

You need to meet your friend in 15 minutes, and you haven’t even jumped in the shower. Oops. No problem, you can just text them and tell them you’re running late, right? Wrong. What if they are already at the place, because they like to show up early? Or what if they are already in transit? They still have to wait for you.

All concerns with being punctual have disappeared since you can now send a quick text saying that you aren’t going to make it on time. But texts don’t cover forgive all lateness sins. If you do it once in a while, you may be forgiven, but if you are texting “late” messages constantly, your friends might start to regard you as a flake.

What are your biggest technology pet peeves? What common courtesy do you wish people still abided by? Sound off in the comments!
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Gorgeous 2011 Letterpress Calendars

Kayla Baxter | AdminSecret — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 10:24:00 -0800

The new year is a time for looking back, reflecting, and then looking forward to the year ahead. What better way to celebrate how far you've come with a lovely little handcrafted calendar to mark your accomplishments this year?

The calendars we've picked for 2011 all have that wonderful, unusual, discovering-a-new-boutique feeling — Enjoy!

A note from the creator: "A collaboration between myself and my photographer sister, Sharleen. Sharleen's photography + my design = twelve fantastic months. Each month features the year 2011 hand stamped in metallic ink."

Where to Find: Bellis Studios, on sale! $12.50, normally $17.00

Metallic gold foil and warm grey letterpress. Inspired by vintage textiles, geometric shapes, and the beautiful imperfections of hand-drawn illustration.

Where to Find: Seesaw Letterpress, $32.00

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Watercolored bowties and ribbons for 2011. This calendar is printed using high quality archival inks onto 220gsm fine off white coloured paper. It is printed full-bleed with no borders.

Where to Find: Etsy store thelilyx, $18.00

This calendar is letterpress printed with four inks: tonal varnish, silver, copper and black. Each month is beautifully illustrated by selected designers. A sturdy paper easel stand makes it perfect for your desktop.

Where to Find: Studio on Fire, $30.00

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Wording reads: 2011. "This year will be the... best year ever." bottom reads: "happiest of all the days to you! love, www.spreadthelove.etsy.com"

Where to Find: Etsy store spreadthelove, $20.00

Dress up your desk with this awesome, self-standing desktop calendar! The case transforms into an easel display, keeping your months organized and on display.

Where to Find: Etsy store ruffhouseart, $14.00

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For your favorite fashion addict! Including illustrations of Viktor & Rolf, Chris Benz, Osklen, Givenchy, ShapeShiftr, and bloggers Jane of Sea of Shoes, Tavi of StyleRookie, Bri from DesignLoveFest, and Gemma Ward.

Where to Find: Etsy store KathrynElyse, $35.00

Bicycles, whales, flowers, and more, beautifully hand illustrated. Printed on luxurious 110lb. Crane's Lettra cardstock.

Where to Find: Etsy store 1canoe2, your choice of 2 for $40

6 Nasty Things Lurking in Your Cosmetics

GOOD | Siobahn O'Connor — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 10:32:00 -0700

Quick disclaimer: We are patently against fearmongering, so don't anyone start panicking. That being said, when you look at some of the ingredients used in cosmetics and body-care products, it raises some serious questions of the "How is that even possible?" variety.

Well, here's how: The cosmetics industry is self-policed, operating with very little regulatory oversight. As such, it is free to use just about anything it wants in its products, no matter how bizarre (or gross, or dangerous).

As the FDA literature states: "With the exception of color additives and a few prohibited ingredients, a cosmetic manufacturer may, on his own responsibility, use essentially any raw material as a cosmetic ingredient and market the product without approval."

Read that last bit again, and then start reading the list.

1. Tar	4. Formaldehyde
2. Lead	5. Antifreeze
3. Mercury	6. Crushed Beetles

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Featured Author: GOOD
GOOD is the integrated media platform for people who want to live well and do good. We are a company and community for the people, businesses, and NGOs moving the world forward. GOOD's mission is to provide content, experiences, and utilities to serve this community.
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Tar

Made from bituminous coal, tar is used as an active ingredient to treat scalp problems like psoriasis and dandruff, and is also used in synthetic dyes. Besides the fact that it smells like a melting parking lot, it's also a carcinogen according to a half-dozen health and environmental agencies in the western world.

Lead →

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Lead

The FDA did a test recently to check up on activist and scientist claims that lipstick was all too often contaminated with lead, which is toxic to humans. Guess what they found? Every single lipstick they tested had lead in it. Some will argue that the doses are low and there's no reason to worry. Counterargument being: Don't defend the presence of a neurotoxins in makeup—just take it out.

Mercury →

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Mercury

We all know it contaminates our fish, but how many of us know it's in our personal care products, too? It's occasionally used on purpose, and can be found listed on some labels of mascaras as thimerosal (a compound that contains mercury), but more often than not it's merely a contaminant, as is the case with some skin lighteners, according to a Chicago Tribune report.

Formaldehyde →

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Formaldehyde

Yes, the stuff they use to embalm corpses also sneaks into beauty products, sometimes as an active ingredient—as with nail polish, antiperspirant, and the ill-fated Brazilian blowout that inspired our book—but more often than not it is a contaminant "donated" by other ingredients such as DMDM hydantoin or quaternium-15, making it harder to avoid. (It's also a known carcinogen, an irritant, and an allergen.)

Antifreeze →

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Antifreeze

To be fair, that's not its chemical name, and it's hardly the worst of the bunch by a longshot. Propylene glycol is used in everything from shampoo and deodorant to moisturizer and makeup and indeed, it is one of the less scary ingredients in terms of human-health safety. It's probably the weirdest in terms of WTF-factor, though.

Crushed beetles →

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Crushed beetles

OK, crushed beetles are weirder. Carmine, or cochineal, is the ingredient that creates the reddest reds in lipstick. It's a pigment that's nearly impossible to duplicate without crushing pregnant dead beetles and turning them into makeup dyes. Strange, but true. It can cause some sensitive types to have skin reactions, but is otherwise pretty benign (unless you're a beetle).

This article was originally published on GOOD.com.

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Quiz:
What's Your Healthiest Habit?

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Is Sexual Harassment a Severe Crime... or Not?

Eve Tahmincioglu | CareerDiva.net — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 17:24:00 -0700

The CEO of Hewlett Packard, Mark Hurd, got fired last week following an investigation into sexual harassment claims made by a former contractor, Jodie Fisher.

After the probe into the allegations, the company found Hurd had not violated HP’s sexual harassment policy but he did monkey around with $20,000 of company funds.

Now Fisher, who was also a reality show contestant, is saying: “I was surprised and saddened that Mark lost his job over this.”

Sources have said Hurd and Fisher settled the harassment matter but few details were disclosed.

So I’m missing something. They settled the matter. She didn’t want him fired. Well, why the heck not? If a guy is harassing you sexually, so much so that you write a letter to company officials, then why would she want him going after other women? Or was it all about the money?

Sexual harassment is a serious problem for many women and even
men who have to endure it. It can
undermine employees, lead to dismissal or demotions, create a hostile work environment, favoritism, and it can cause emotional distress.

And sexual harassment is illegal.

Sexual harassment is a form of sex discrimination that violates
Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

Next Page: Are You Obligated to Speak Out? →

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Featured Author: Career Diva

CareerDiva is a blog maintained by Eve Tahmincioglu, journalist, author, and columnist. As a career and workplace expert, Eve is also the author of From the Sandbox to the Corner Office: Lessons Learned on the Journey to the Top, and the Your Career columnist for MSNBC.com. Eve further writes Your Biz, a small business and entrepreneurship blog for MSNBC.com.

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No one but Hurd and Fisher knows exactly what happened between them, but this type of story always gets under my skin. These backroom settlements of sexual harassment claims that leave the alleged harasser in his job has to make you wonder how serious the problem was.

Did Fisher really see Hurd as a threat? Did the money in the end outweigh any moral obligation to keep him from striking again?

Sexual harassers just don’t go away, because, “sexual harassment is, and always has been, about power more than it is about sex,” says Kathleen Neville, author of “Internal Affairs: The Abuse of Power, Sexual Harassment, and Hypocrisy in the Workplace.”

The HP saga shows we have a long way to go before we can eradicate this type of behavior in the nation’s workplaces. As it is, people don’t take sexual harassment seriously folks, and that contributes to the problem and a general feeling that it’s OK to be immoral. And even
teenagers have to endure this type of sleazy behavior sometimes. Maybe adults should help the young kids out by standing up to sleaze, not just looking for some payola for our troubles.

Yes, I do think monetary damages via the court system or government agency actions are often needed in these cases to get companies and managers following the rules, but that comes with a public airing of problems so everyone can know what’s going on.

But even that is no guarantee behaviors will change.

So many people thought it was a big fat joke that a big star like
David Letterman was frolicking with young interns at his studio.

Well, that wasn’t funny, and the HP scandal isn’t funny either.

So, what should you do if you’re a victim of sexual harassment?

Next Page: Just Say No →

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Here are some tips:

• Confront it head on. From the moment women feel any sexual harassment, even if it’s slight, they should be firm and very clear with the harasser that that kind of behavior is unacceptable, said Gabriela Cora, author of “Alpha Female: Leader of a Pack of Bitches — Winning Strategies to Become an Outstanding Leader.” If you don’t confront it right away, she adds, the harassment could just escalate.

So, the first time that off-colored joke is told at a meeting or at lunch, she continues, you should convey a message right away, even in front of other colleagues, that “you don’t like to play this way.”

Women and men, she adds, need to show right away that the behavior is unwanted, that they’ve done nothing to deserve it and that they really mean business. “They can’t be wishy washy.”

• Broaden your network now. “I suggest that a woman manager should already have developed good, solid relationships within HR managers, be a big supporter of company policies and initiatives, and maintain good professional relationships with those who surround her boss and who he or she reports into,” Neville advises.

• Pick your battles. Not every joke in the office or at the plant is meant to undermine a female leader’s authority. As a manager, you should be able to deal with some of the cracks the good old boys’ network — still is the upper echelon of corporate America — is used to, especially if they don’t really make you feel uncomfortable.

“What I’ve seen is women who tend to say they’ve never been harassed carry themselves with a sure and secure personality and can brush off unwanted advances,” she says.

• Know when enough is enough. If the harassment just does not subside, be extremely professional about reporting it and document everything, Neville advises. Despite how it might impact your career, she notes, HR departments tend to think charges made by managers are more likely to have merit.

This article was originally posted on CareerDiva.

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Obama Endorses Paycheck Fairness Act

USA TODAY — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 10:10:00 -0700

WASHINGTON -- President Obama plans to press Congress today to pass pay-equity legislation that would make it easier for women to sue employers who pay them less than their male counterparts, the White House said Monday.

"Women deserve equal pay," White House senior adviser Valerie Jarrett said in an interview, citing government statistics that show women earn 77 cents for every dollar men earn. "It's a very fundamental right."

Obama will announce his support for the Paycheck Fairness Act, a bill that has languished in Congress for several years. In 2007, President Bush warned he would veto the bill, and it has been stalled by opposition from some Republicans and business groups, including the U.S. Chamber of Commerce.

The bill passed in the House in 2009, but did not get through the Senate. Its prospects there remain unclear.

"The bill is a cruel hoax. It won't empower women who face pay discrimination, but it will empower trial lawyers whose junk lawsuits will clog up the courts and make it hard for businesses to grow and hire," said Michael Steel, spokesman for House Republican leader John Boehner of Ohio.

The bill would:

• Put gender-based wage discrimination on par with other forms of wage discrimination, such as that based on race, by allowing women to sue for compensatory and punitive damages, rather than just for back pay.

• Limit the legitimate reasons employers can give in court for wage disparities.

• Prohibit employers from retaliating against employees who discuss their wages.

Next Page: An Update to the Equal Pay Act? →

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The American Civil Liberties Union, which urges Congress to pass the law, says the measure would provide needed updates to the Equal Pay Act of 1963, which included only limited enforcement provisions.

"Due to rising unemployment rates, families need to bring home every dollar they rightfully earn, making pay equity even more necessary, not only to families' economic security but also to the nation's economic recovery," the ACLU's Laura Murphy said in a July 13 letter to senators.

Jarrett called the legislation a needed "companion" to the Lilly Ledbetter Act, signed by Obama in 2009, days after he took office. Named for a former Goodyear employee who sued for back wages, the Ledbetter Act extended a 180-day statute of limitations on workers' ability to sue for pay discrimination.

Despite opposition from the chamber, Jarrett said she believes most CEOs will support the bill. "It's fair, balanced and reasonable," she said.

A White House task force plans to announce today that the Obama administration will:

• Improve the government's data collection from businesses to get a better handle on the scope of wage discrimination.

• Close the wage gap among federal employees.

• Promote greater workplace flexibility. Vice President Biden, noting that two-thirds of households with children are run by working parents, said, "The workplace has, for the most part, not changed to reflect these realities -- and it must."

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Sneaky Ways to Stay Slim this Summer

Allie Firestone | Divine Caroline — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 10:52:00 -0700

By the time June arrives, I’m ready to get outside whenever and however I can. My usual activities—whether I’m reading a book or fitting in a workout—are exponentially more enjoyable in the fresh summer air, beneath the warm sun (as long as it’s not too hot, of course).

All winter long, I trudge through my cardio routine, avoiding the rain and early nightfall by burning calories on the stationary bike and treadmill. But now, it’s summer, and that means not only that we can get our hearts pumping outdoors, but also that we can do so by engaging in a variety of activities beyond the usual gym repertoire.

In search of something beyond the routine slog on the treadmill or the obvious outdoor run, I sought out some pastimes (and even chores) that don’t instantly conjure up visions of exercise but actually offer legitimate calorie-burning opportunities.

In the Water

Sure, we’ve all heard that swimming laps and water aerobics will keep us fit, but there are plenty of less fitness-focused activities that can also count as, well, exercise.

Snorkeling: Burn Factor = 318 calories*

Many of us lucky enough to be hitting a tropical beach this summer will find ourselves strapping on fins and snorkel masks to check out the local marine life. The upside to getting those masks tangled in our hair (along with obtaining some classic holiday-card photos) is that we’ll burn over 100 calories for every hour we’re exploring.

Kayaking: Burn Factor = 318 calories

Many oceanside areas offer kayak tours to check out nearby landmasses and wildlife. While smelling that fresh, salty sea air and figuring out just how to make that canoelike thing turn the way we want, you’ll torch just as many calories as you would on a stationary gym machine—sans sweaty-shorts guy panting next to you.

Waterskiing: Burn Factor = 382 calories

Quit roasting in the boat—strap on those skis and be a part of the action. Whether you’re a practiced pro or a first-timer, skimming across the lake’s surface with the wind on your face is so refreshing (and slightly scary!) that burning calories will be the last thing on your mind (which doesn’t make it count as exercise any less).

Next Page: Around the House →

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Featured Author: DivineCaroline

At DivineCaroline, you’ll be spending time with women who embrace the fact that life isn’t always easy or beautiful or fair. Our dream is to give you a place to come together to express yourselves. What brings you joy. What breaks your heart. Makes you giggle. What pisses you off. Confuses you. Entertains you. What keeps you strong. Check them out here!

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Around the House

Summer often adds more outdoor chores to our to-do lists. The good news? Many of these are tiring, because they also count as exercise.

Mowing the Lawn: Burn Factor = 350 calories

We all love two-for-one deals, and when chores can double as exercise—well, that means I can spend more time reading that trashy summer novel I ordered slyly on Amazon.

Gardening: Burn Factor = 255 calories

The good news is that all that digging, raking, pushing, pruning, and weeding is worth a significant amount of calories. Lack a garden? Find a local farm that’ll let you go berry picking.

Washing the Car: Burn Factor = 286 calories

Another summertime double whammy—you can save money and get fit just by sudsing up your own vehicle. All it takes is breaking out the sponges, soap, and towels, and you’ve put in just as much effort as we would have on the StairMaster.

Next Page: In the Great Outdoors →

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In the Great Outdoors

Without rain in the forecast, we can get outside in the sun (wearing plenty of sunscreen, of course) to try these recreational activities, and spend less time indoors at the gym while we’re at it.

Golfing: Burn Factor = 223 calories (with cart) or 286 (without)

While I haven’t perfected my swing quite enough to move from the driving range to the links, I’ve run across another nugget of motivation—hoofing it from hole to hole during four hours of golf adds up to a week’s worth of work on the elliptical machine.

Playing Tennis: Burn Factor = 445 calories

It doesn’t take very long on the court to break a sweat. Turns out, that’s thanks to the massive amount of calories you’ll burn perfecting that backhand.

Biking for Fun: Burn Factor = 509 calories

That’s right, biking at just a moderate speed burns around 500 calories in an hour. I’ve started riding my bike to work every day—incorporating activity naturally without it really feeling like “exercise time.” Work too far from home to ride there? Just bike to the store when you can, or for fun around your neighborhood.

Horseback Riding: Burn Factor = 255 calories

This is another one of those popular vacation activities that doubles as a sightseeing opportunity and (score!) exercise. Giddyup!

Rollerblading: Burn Factor = 764 calories

It’s a little cheesy, sure, but for 700-plus calories per hour, what more creative (and retro-fabulous) way to get from place to place when the sun is shining than Rollerblading—especially if you’re somewhere with a nice bike path. Pick up some used blades for around forty bucks online or at a local sports retailer.

Dancing: Burn Factor = 414 calories

Spending a steamy summer night learning salsa or grooving to some live music? Yes, please. Calories or no calories, jamming alfresco screams summer for all the senses.

No matter how you decide to get that activity in—by having fun or by doing full-blown workouts—the important part is that you’re moving your body. And what’s summer better for than breaking out of ruts and trying new things? I know I’ll be taking myself out Rollerblading at least once, along with spending a warm night out dancing. Now I’ve just got to figure out how to bypass the bar scene.

* Calories burned are based on a 140-pound woman performing the activity for one hour, according to estimates calculated by MyCalorieCounter.com.

This article was originally published on DivineCaroline.com.

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25 Things a Professional Woman Should Never Wear

Kayla Baxter, Anna Hennings, and Alice Handley | AdminSecret — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 15:43:00 -0700

We hate to admit it, because we personally feel that clothes shouldn't matter. In a perfect world, a person would be judged at their workplace based solely on the caliber of their work. Unfortunately, that's not how the world works.

How you choose to dress each morning *reflects how you feel about your job* – that you take your position seriously, that you are ready to work and that you pay attention to detail and know what you expect to encounter that day. You wouldn’t go to a construction site in your favorite four-inch stilletos, right? Of course not, you'd go in a hard hat, because it's appropriate for the situation. Appearances matter!

We’ve all been there, though. The days you wake up feeling sick, but still have to make it into the office, so you throw on any old thing that’s (kind of) clean. The office where you never see anyone but your hated boss and your frumpy coworkers. The jobs you work from home in your pajamas and no makeup.

Regardless of the excuses, *there are some things that professionals should just never wear. Ever.*

We’ll show you what these things are, why they’re a terrible wardrobe choice and if you’re guilty of having one in your closet – or (gasp!) in your daily rotation – we’ll give you a much better alternative.

The First Fashion Faux Pas ->

[gate]
[page]

Crocs

Why not?

Crocs are for the beach. For small children. For working in the garage or around the house. We realize they have cool antibacterial and slip-resistant properties going for them, but even their website admits that Crocs were originally "intended as a boating/outdoor shoe." Face it, Crocs are not for the office.

Try me instead:

If you absolutely cannot let go of the Crocs name and comfortable-shoe concept, give YOU by Crocs a go, the brand’s “high fashion” line that still incorporates the “croslite technology” – which means it’s odor resistant and anti-microbial – and that has extra padding right where you need it most: The ball of your foot and your heel.

The Exception

Celebrity chef Mario Batali. If you’re Mario, you have our blessing.

Next Forbidden Item->

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Uggs

Why not?

Uggs are just glorified slippers. And what are slippers? They are part of your pajamas. And do professionals wear pajamas to the office? No, they do not. No matter how cold it is outside, or how sick or hungover you feel, don’t come traipsing into the office wearing Uggs. And don’t even think about showing them off by tucking your jeans into them – or worse – pairing them with a (denim) mini skirt. You’re a professional.

Try me instead:

Want boots? Give leather boots a go. They don’t even have to be heeled. Not only are flat boots much more comfortable, but they’re in style and classic – so they’ll last you more than one fashion cycle – and they transcend seasons: Wear them with tights or bare legs, with dresses, skirts or with pants!

The Exception

Sheep farmers.

Next Forbidden Item->

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Fanny Packs

Why not?

The fanny pack went out of style way back in the 80s, taking side ponytails and neon brights along with them. Sporting a fanny pack in a professional environment shows you have no idea what’s in fashion – whether you consider yourself style savvy or not – while also giving your look a big case of the casuals. You’re not on vacation in 1983, so lose that vinyl fanny pack!

Try me instead:

Just about any handbag, clutch, satchel, tote, even a briefcase, will do the exact same thing as a fanny pack: Hold your essentials.

The Exception

If you're Hulk Hogan and your muscles make it impossible to put anything over your shoulder, this look is appropriate. Otherwise, never.

Next Forbidden Item->

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Scrunchies

Why not?

Because scrunchies went out of fashion at the same time fanny packs did. Wearing one only emphasizes your need for a makeover, not a raise. Bows, or ribbons tied into bows, also fall into this particular don’t. Ribbons in your hair are appropriate for the seventh grade cheerleading squad and other teenage displays of team unity. Not. Professional.

Try me instead:

There’s nothing a scrunchie can do that an ouchless hair elastic band can’t. Other options for pulling your hair back? Bobby pins, clips, headbands, hair scarves – even a hat, if your workplace is business casual enough.

The Exception

Cheerleaders

Next Forbidden Item->

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Sweatshirts and Sweatpants

Why not?

Save your sweats for the gym, for a night spent vegging on the couch or for sleeping. They don’t want to go work, so please don’t bring them in! Plainly put: Sweatpants and sweatshirts are much too casual to be professional, and they scream, “I’m lazy! Please fire me!” Even people who work at fitness centers don’t wear sweats to work, so you shouldn’t either.

Try me instead:

Dying to be as comfortable as possible? Try a worn-in pair of cotton chino slacks with a simple, but still classy, white fitted tee. Need something to keep you warm on top? A monotone cotton or cashmere cardigan will feel great and look good.

Bonus hint

When you feel sick and miserable but still have to go in to the office (the worst!), looking sick and miserable won’t actually make you feel any better. Suggestion? Try dressing up even more than you usually would to give your morale a boost.

Next Forbidden Item->

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Footless Leggings and Spandex/Yoga Pants

Why not?

Leggings and spandex pants are in the perfect shape for your next yoga or Pilates class, not for your upcoming presentation — or even a conference call. Yes, even a call. No one can see what you’re wearing over the phone, but that’s our point: They’re never appropriate for the office, not as a layer under a skirt and especially not worn alone as pants.

What’s worse? Extremely bold-hued leggings, leggings with zipped hems or the worst — a combination of the two.

Try me instead:

Tights – both opaque and sheer – are perfectly acceptable for the office and provide the same coverage as leggings but with a polished look.

The Exception

Acrobats, professional wrestlers

Next Forbidden Item->

[page]

Leather Pants

Why not?

Leather pants are perfectly career-appropriate if you’re auditioning for Rock of Love, and that’s about it. It should go without saying (but we’ll still say it) that you should never go to work dressed like you’re about to do some tequila shots with the band unless your job somehow involves doing tequila shots with the band.

Try me instead:

If you’re looking for a little edge in your work wardrobe, try a perfectly severe black blazer, skinny black pants, or a purse with a serious amount of hardware.

The Exception

The cast of Rock of Love, outlaw bikers.

Next Forbidden Item->

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Face Tattoos

Why not?

Just don’t.

Try me instead:

A non-tattooed face.

The Exception

Mike Tyson

Next Forbidden Item->

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Velour/Juicy Tracksuits

Why not?

They may seem like they’re fancy, but a big price tag does not a sophisticated garment make. Velour, sadly, is just not a workplace-approved fabric. Doesn’t it just scream out “a trip to the mall” to you? Well, that’s what it’s saying to your coworkers and, more importantly, your boss. This goes double for embellished tracksuits.

Try me instead:

Like our advice for people who want to wear their sweatpants, here we’re going to suggest your comfiest khakis or softest cotton skirt. On top, a fluffy and oh-so-soft sweater can keep you just as happy as a hoodie.

The Exception

Juicy Couture saleswomen

Next Forbidden Item->

[page]

Message Tees

Why not?

It may be cute or funny or so totally true to you, but you never know how other people are going to react. You might be an Italian Princess or The World’s Greatest Mom, but those honorable titles are best kept for your weekend wear.

Try me instead:

Wearing a plain t-shirt and saving your little jokes, observations and rants for email or IM. Keep it clean!

The Exception

Smirnoff girl

Next Forbidden Item->

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Showing Too Much Skin

Why not?

You can bring your midriff to work, just don’t show it. You should be covered from just below the collar bone to just above the knee … give or take a few inches, depending on your job, industry and work culture. And it goes without saying that nobody should see your underwear. Regardless of your body type, too tight is too trashy for the office. Work is not the place to be showing off your stellar abs or your signs of cellulite.

Try me instead:

No matter what, you’ll always look better in clothes that really fit. And think of how alluring you’ll feel after hours if you save your revealing looks for then!

The Exception

Strippers

Next Forbidden Item->

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Heavy – or no – Makeup

Why not?

We hate to say it, but it is a fact that women who wear makeup in business generally get better jobs, get promoted more quickly and get paid more. Whether we like it or not, we live in a very visual world and we get judged on appearances. In fact, in a survey, 64% of directors said that women who wore make-up look more professional and 18% of directors said that women who do not wear make-up “look like they can’t be bothered to make an effort.” (Times Online UK)

Overall, remember the way that you dress is the packaging of your personal brand; whether you like it or not, you will be judged on your appearance.

Try me instead:

If you really hate the idea of makeup, try using just one product, especially lipstick. Lipstick can make a big impact and give the appearance that you’re wearing more. Just make sure you bring a trusted friend or enlist the help of a makeup counter expert before picking a shade if you don’t have much experience.

If you have more than 10 items in your daily beauty regimen, you should probably pare down. Try out using only mascara, powder or a light foundation, and blush. You’ll be surprised at the results!

The Exception

Clowns, nuns

Next Forbidden Item->

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What You Wore Yesterday

Why not?

Wearing the same thing the next day says a little too much about your personal life and might make people wonder exactly why you didn’t make it home last night, A fight? A one night stand? An affair? Gossip will fly. You’ll look anything but refreshed and ready to take on the day. It makes you look tired, exhausted and begging to go home. Don’t make anyone question your preparedness or qualifications (or morals!), especially in this economy.

Try me instead:

If you can’t make it home, don’t come to work the next day wearing exactly the same thing you wore the day before. Either stop at a nearby store and buy something new to wear (even if it’s just a shirt) or ask a confidante at the office to lend you something.

The Exception

Sports team mascots

Next Forbidden Item->

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Sequins

Why not?

There is a right way and a wrong way, to wear sequins. As a small adornment on a solid-colored blouse with clean lines (i.e. not much else going on), sequins can be an appropriate accessory. But much more than that can lead you to straight into fashion victim territory. Wearing sequins can make you feel like a star – but overdoing it at the office can make you look cheap, out of touch and, at worst, unprofessional. Let your hard work and intelligence shine more than your clothes!

*Rule of thumb:* Never wear more sequins in one outfit than can fit onto half a standard piece of paper (8.5” x 11”). Try not to wear more sequins than fit onto a postcard.

Try me instead:

Let your accessories do the talking. Wear your bling on a watch, earrings or statement necklace instead of on your shirt.

The Exception

Lounge singers, Elvis impersonators

Next Forbidden Item->

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Flip-Flop Sandals

Why not?

Flip-flops are perfectly acceptable for the beach, hanging out at the park, walking your dog… all being weekend activities that require weekend attire. Not the office, unless your office is a beach (if it is, we’re sooooo jealous!). Think about it from the other person’s perspective: Do you really want to see your coworkers’ toes? We didn’t think so.

Try me instead:

A dressy sandal or open-toed shoe has the same breezy quality without the dangerously casual factor. For men, casual loafers will never let your feet be as free as they once were, but it’s time to let go of your college look. Try boat shoes in a neutral color – they look dressy, but are extremely comfortable.

The Exception

Lifeguards

Next Forbidden Item->

[page]

Piling on the Jewelry

Why not?

We like it when people make an effort with jewelry, but loud, clinking bracelets can be a little on the distracting and irritating side. Just ask the people who have to sit next to you all day! Clink. Clink. Clink. It’s enough to drive someone crazy. And if you’re wearing so many necklaces that someone mistakes you for Mr. T, you only have yourself to blame.

Try me instead:

Instead of piling on numerous bracelets, try one big chunky bracelet. It’s a great way to make a statement without making a racket.

The Exception

Fortune tellers

Next Forbidden Item->

[page]

Sports Jerseys

Why not?

When March madness is in full swing, it may be tempting to live in your favorite team’s jersey and paint your face. However, we all know the boss is going to be more interested in how much time you’re spending online checking the scores instead of doing your job, so do yourself a favor and leave the jersey at home.

Try me instead:

Get a pin with your team’s logo to wear on your lapel, or coordinate your shirt and tie with your team’s colors. Or just save the superfan action for after work.

The Exception

Kobe Bryant, LeBron James (People who are actually paid to play sports)

Next Forbidden Item->

[page]

Hats

Why not?

Baseball caps, beanies, berets, newsboy caps – all great fashion statements, but not at the office. Unless you work outdoors and need to shield your face from the sun or stay warm, hats are going to give the impression that you’re shifty and untrustworthy because you’re hiding your eyes and face.

Try me instead:

Hats usually are worn to cover up a bad hair day. There’s a miracle product called dry shampoo; you spray it in and it looks like you showered. Look into it!

The Exception

Baseball players, cowboys, newsies.

Next Forbidden Item->

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Long Fingernails

Why not?

Although some may like their nails long, there is definitely a limit to how far you can go in a professional environment. Nails should never impede your ability to accomplish tasks and really should never be so long that dirt can collect underneath them – it sends the message that you just don’t care about your appearance. If you do choose to keep long(ish) nails, make absolutely certain they are very well kept.

Try me instead:

A manicure (for men, especially!) at home, if you’re on a tight budget.

The Exception

Guinness Book of World Record Holders

Next Forbidden Item->

[page]

Messy, Wrinkled or Torn Clothing

Why not?

If you don’t care enough to wear something presentable to work, then you obviously don’t care about your job … or so says your boss. If you have to choose between your comfy torn jeans and the work slacks that fit a little too tight, take one for the team (the keeping-your-job-team, that is) and suck it in. Wrinkles that come from sitting at your desk all day are great, but wrinkles that come from your clothes being in a pile at the bottom of your closet all night are certainly not.

Try me instead:

Follow your mom’s advice (she’s always right, you know!) and get an iron, a good tailor and use your washing machine.

The Exception

Actors in zombie movies.

Next Forbidden Item->

[page]

Wallet Chain

Why not?

Wallet chains work on middle-school miscreants defacing school property. Is that how you want to look at work? Additionally, wallet chains can be noisy and distracting when you sit, stand, walk or just move in general, and they make it seem like you’re too scatterbrained to hold on to your most valued possession.

Try me instead:

If you can’t hang on to your wallet no matter how hard you try, you should be putting it in a zippered pants or jacket pocket.

The Exception

Tony Hawk

Next Forbidden Item->

[page]

Glitter

Why not?

Besides the fact that glitter gets everywhere, it has all the same problems as sequins but with twice the mess. You may be a shining star, but glitter doesn't emphazise that, no matter what your 13-year-old niece tells you.

Try me instead:

A shimmery eyeshadow in a complementary color will bring that dazzle you’re looking for — without the mess.

The Exception

Mariah Carey

Next Forbidden Item->

[page]

Sunglasses Inside

Why not?

We know all the cool kids are doing it, but that doesn't make it okay. You may be trying to show everyone how hip you are, but what you're really doing is making them wonder how bad your hangover is.

Try me instead:

If you do have a hangover, a little preparation goes a long way. Take some aspirin, drink some coffee and make sure you shower before work. Sunglasses aren't going to hide your shame.

The Exception

Poker players

Next Forbidden Item->

[page]

All-Over Animal Print

Why not?

Animal print almost always comes back in style, so purchasing a leopard or zebra print piece isn't a terrible idea. However, it's when you overdo this trend that the horror begins. If you keep it simple, your office will think you're edgy — which is what you want. But take it over the top, and they'll think you were up to something a little bit shady last night.

Try me instead:

A little bit of animal print goes a long way. If you do choose to wear a piece with this print, make sure it's only one item of your outfit. Only shoes, or only your bag, etc.

The Exception

Pussycat dolls, pimps

Next Forbidden Item->

[page]

Short Shorts

Why not?

To be fair, this is another one of those trends that can be stylish at the office if worn the correct way. Shorts that reveal most or all of your thighs is definitely the wrong way.

Try me instead:

Look for something called a "city short." They fall just below the knee and when paired with a smart blazer and high heels, can transition easily from the boardroom to the beach.

The Exception

Hooters Girls

Earn Your Degree Online!

Campus or Online Programs - Featured Opportunity

Don’t let a busy schedule stop you from pursuing an education. Online degree programs may offer the flexibility you need.

Get more information

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Answers to the U.S. Women's History IQ Quiz

Mon, 28 Jun 2010 10:01:00 -0700

In honor of Women's History Month, AdminSecret wanted to test your U.S. Women's History IQ knowledge. We're providing the answers so you can learn from the quiz, but...

h4. Don't cheat! If you haven't taken the What's Your U.S. Women's History IQ quiz, go take it first.

See answers on the next page...

[page]

1) In 1848, The U.S. Women’s Rights Movement issued a statement calling for equality with men. What was it called?

The Declaration of Sentiments -Correct Answer!

The Declaration of Equality

The Proclamation of Rights

2) What year did the first woman, Elizabeth Blackwell, graduate from medical school?

1849 -Correct Answer!

1869

1873

3) Which escaped slave led hundreds of slaves to freedom in the Underground Railroad?

Sojourner Truth

Deborah Gray White

Harriet Tubman -Correct Answer!

4) Who founded the American Red Cross to assist in national disasters and wars?

Clara Barton -Correct Answer!

Susanna Madora Selter

Ellen Swallow Richards

5) Which sport did the first America woman win the first-ever Olympic medal? (Paris’ 1900 games)

Track and Field

Gymnastics

Golf -Correct Answer!

6) What year was the first woman, Jeannette Rankin of Montana, elected to Congress?

1916 -Correct Answer!

1917

1918

7) The ___ amendment gave women the right to vote.

19th -Correct Answer!

16th

21st

8) Which woman became the first American of any race or gender to earn an international pilot’s license?

Amelia Earhart

Gertrude Ederle

Bessie Coleman -Correct Answer!

9) Who was the first American woman to receive the Nobel Peace Prize for her feminist advocacy?

Francis Perkins

Jane Addams -Correct Answer!

Eleanor Roosevelt

10) Which woman sparked the U.S. Civil Rights Movement by refusing to vacate her bus seat to a white man in 1955?

Rosa Parks -Correct Answer!

Marian Anderson

Queen Latifah

11) The 1963 Equal Pay Act prohibits women from earning less than men in the same job.

True -Correct Answer!

False

12) Title VII of the Civil Rights Act prohibits discrimination in employment on the basis of:

Race

Sex

Both of the above -Correct Answer!

13) What year was the first black woman, Shirley Chisholm, elected to Congress?

1965

1968 -Correct Answer!

1969

14) Who was the first woman to serve on the U.S. Supreme Court?

Janet Reno

Jeane Kirkpatrick

Sandra Day O’Connor -Correct Answer!

15) In 1870, just one-fifth of resident college and university students were women. Today, women outnumber men on college campuses.

True -Correct Answer!

False

16) Which landmark court case gave a woman the right to abort her pregnancy for any reason, up until the "point at which the fetus becomes 'viable'"?

Roe v. Wade -Correct Answer!

Planned Parenthood v. Casey

Webster v. Reproductive Health Services

17) A 1976 law prohibits a man from:?

Raping his wife -Correct Answer!

Carrying condoms

Wearing leather chaps

18) When was National Women’s History Week first celebrated and when was it expanded to a month-long event?

1978 and 1987, respectively -Correct Answer!

1981 and 1987, respectively

1982 and 1989, respectively

Answers to the Red Cross IQ Quiz

Mon, 28 Jun 2010 10:01:00 -0700

AdminSecret created the What's Your Red Cross IQ quiz to help you learn more about this humanitarian organization. We're providing the answers so you can learn from the quiz, but...

h4. Don't cheat! If you haven't taken the What's Your Red Cross IQ quiz, go take it first.

See answers on the next page...

[page]

1) Who founded the Red Cross?

Emily Watson

Sandy Cooper

Clara Barton -Correct Answer!

Angeline Davenport

2) The Red Cross was founded in:

1789

1850

1865

1881 -Correct Answer!

3) The Red Cross is part of a global movement that offers humanitarian aid to victims of war and natural disasters.

True -Correct Answer!

False

4) In which of the following areas does the Red Cross NOT offer services?

Community services for the needy

Support for military members and families

The collection and distribution of blood

Educational programs that promote health and safety

International relief and development programs

Pro bono legal aid -Correct Answer!

5) The Red Cross has how many employees?

15,000

28,000

35,000 -Correct Answer!

120,000

6) How many volunteers does the Red Cross have?

More than 10,000

More than 500,000 -Correct Answer!

More than 1,000,000

More than 10,000,000

7) The Red Cross has________ locally supported chapters.

over 700 -Correct Answer!

over 900

over 2,000

over 5,000

8) The Red Cross is the largest supplier of blood and blood products in the United States.

True -Correct Answer!

False

9) According to redcross.org, “some _______ million people give blood.”

1 million

3 million

4 million -Correct Answer!

8 million

10) On average, how much of every dollar that the Red Cross spends goes to humanitarian causes?

50 cents

78 cents

89 cents

92 cents -Correct Answer!

11) Is the Red Cross a government agency?

Yes, it is a federally run organization.

No, it relies on donations of time and money. -Correct Answer!

12) The American National Red Cross is headquartered in:

New York, NY

Boston, MA

Portland, OR

Washington, DC -Correct Answer!

Looking for jobs at the Red Cross? Enter your zip code and type "Red Cross" in the search field to find entry-level Red Cross jobs in your area.

Stressed Out? There's an App for That

Darragh Worland | Tonic — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 16:22:00 -0700

Ever wished you had access to your therapist 24/7, without the high price tag of all that supervised navel gazing? Well, help is on the way in the form of what some psychologists are calling "mobile therapy" — applications you can download to your cell phone to help you track and manage your moods between therapy sessions.

Dr. Margaret Morris, a clinical psychologist and health technology researcher at Intel Corp. is designing a cell phone app to help patients manage stress levels, with a view toward reducing cardiovascular disease, >reports NPR.

At random times throughout the day, a mood map pops up on the cell phone. "People drag a little red dot around that screen with their finger to indicate their current mood and based on your mood, the phone offers therapeutic exercises," Morris tells NPR.

Those exercises range from assisted breathing visualizations — where patients match their breathing to a blue circle expanding and contracting on their cell phone screen — to practical tips for
detaching from stressful situations. A patient can also chart their energy levels, sleep patterns and activities, the food they've eaten and more. The information can be charted, printed out and discussed with a therapist to identify triggers and solutions.

Morris' research was >recently published in the Journal of Medical Internet Research, where she writes that by using the Mobile Therapy app, participants were able to increase "self-awareness in moments of stress, develop insights about their emotional patterns and practice new strategies for modulating stress reactions."

Even patients with more severe mental disorders, such as schizophrenia stand to benefit from mobile therapy. NPR reports that University of Pennsylvania researcher Dimitri Perivoliotis is working on a digital watch that displays personalized scrolling messages. One way patients are taught to manage hallucinations, for example, is to ground themselves in the moment by identifying and naming objects in a room. One patient who tested the digital watch had his programmed with reminders to practice the technique several times a day.

"It really did the trick," Perivoliotis tells NPR. "It kind of broke him out of the stream of voices and his internal preoccupation with them."

Similar apps and mobile devices are being developed to treat addictions and even phobias, as well. And this is likely just the beginning. With >Mobile Health 2010 underway today and tomorrow in Stanford, Calif., researchers in the health and technology industries will be highlighting all kinds of ways they’re using mobile technology to change health-related behaviors and improve personal and public health.

This article was originally published on Tonic.com.

More From Tonic:

Yoga Helps Ease Cancer Patients

Caffeine May Counteract Alzheimer's Disease

9 Ways Our Daughters Benefit From Organized Sports

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5 Ways to Get a Man to Listen

Thu, 17 Jun 2010 15:54:00 -0700

One of the most common complaints I hear from women is that men don’t listen. Be it at work where their good ideas are ignored or at home when their spouse totally forgets what she told him.

Why can’t men listen? They can, if you follow these five steps.

So the next time you want to talk to your male boss, be heard in a meeting, discuss an issue with your spouse, or connect with your teenage son, remember Renee’s Rules...

Next Page: Speak Loud Enough →

[photo:97051]

Featured Author: Renee Weisman

Renee Weisman, owner of Winning at Work, charted new territory as one of the first woman engineers, managers, executives and working mothers in the male-dominated semiconductor industry. Over her 40 years in education and industry, she learned to make gender differences work for her — and teaches others how to do the same. She is a frequent speaker at corporations and conferences around the US. She teaches classes tailored to enhance women in their careers and to enable male managers to better understand how to capitalize on the differences between men and women in business. She is the author of Winning in a Man’s World and 5 Ways to Get a Man to Listen.Add her to your Excelle network!

[page]

1. Speak Loud Enough

Men don’t hear as well as women. Honestly. It starts at birth and continues through life. This was first proven studies in neonatal clinics where researchers thought playing soft background music might calm premature infants, enabling them to eat more and gain weight faster. The results showed a major improvement for females and no improvement for males. Further study showed this was because the little boys did not hear as well as the girls!

This hearing difference continues through life. It explains why a woman may feel her boss or coworker or husband is yelling at her when he thinks he isn’t or why teenage boys (and men) love loud music, surround sound, synthesizers, etc and we women run from the room in pain. Bottom line, men don’t hear as well as women so
speak up if you want to a man to hear you.

Next Page: Get Their Attention →

[page]

1. Get Their Attention

Trying to discuss a topic with your spouse when he is watching the most exciting part of the football game, the last hole of the golf tournament or is in the middle of some project he has been working on, is totally ineffective. Trying to discuss an issue with a male boss or coworker when he is stressed or working intently on his computer or BlackBerry is equally unproductive. If you want then to listen, choose a time when you can get their undivided attention. For your spouse, try over dinner or after their program is finished or whenever the distractions have reduced.

If you want to
talk to your male boss, schedule personal time in his office so you won’t be distracted or interrupted. In any case, get their attention by announcing “I’d like to discuss something with you” and make sure they look up and acknowledge you. Call them by name as people automatically listen more when their name is called. Many men (and women) get so engrossed in what they are doing, that they don’t pay attention to what is being said to them. They just nod their heads or say “okay”. Later on they have no idea what they just agreed to. Make sure you have their eyes as well as their ears to get the best communication.

I do have to admit, this applies to men and women. Even though female, I am guilty of becoming so intent on what I was reading or writing, that I really had no idea what someone was saying to me. My children learned the best way to get me to pay attention was to say “Mom, your hair’s on fire!” When I looked up, they’d say, “Now that I have you attention….” So whether it is a man or a woman, get their attention before you start the discussion.

Next Page: Get to the point →

[page]

3. Get to the point.

We women can spend an inordinate amount of time beating around the bush. Most men, especially in business, want the bottom line. You have to learn to say what you want in thirty seconds or less.

If more discussion is needed after that, at least you have gotten the impact and reason defined. In business, I often advised females who had trouble getting to the point to “think in bullets” meaning make an outline with
quick, effective words to state your points. If you do need to think a problem through or work something out by talking about it, go to a woman first. Then when you have your path defined, seek out the man.

Next Page: Say What You Want →

[page]

4. Say What You Want.

If you are
asking for something or recommending a change, just say it. Don’t say “I think” or “in my opinion” as that’s a statement, not a request. A man will interpret this as “being up to him” since you just stated an opinion and didn’t actually ask.

Also avoid using the word “but”. If you state something and qualify it with a big “but”, you just reduced its importance.

Next Page: Finally, Stop Talking When You Are Done →

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5. Finally, Stop Talking When You Are Done.

I have actually seen women win over a man to her way of thinking but then keep the discussion going. This can bring a new point to the table that causes the man to rethink and change his opinion. I have watched saleswomen lose a sale and young female engineers lose support for their ideas by doing this. When you have made your point and everyone agrees with you, STOP TALKING.

If you follow these simple rules, you will find that men can and do listen. (Of course, your teenage son may still need some extra work but that’s another article).

3 Ways Strong Women Ruin a Relationship

Rori Raye | Divine Caroline — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 15:08:00 -0700

Are you a woman with a lot going for her in all areas except in love and relationships? Do men stop calling or withdraw after a few dates or tell you they’re not interested or don’t feel the right chemistry with you?

Your intelligence and ambition may have gotten you where you are in your life and career, but are those same qualities intimidating to men?

The truth is that success and independence are actually attractive qualities to a man. Men are not intimidated by smart women. They can, however, be intimidated and turned off by the way you’re relating to him. You may be failing in love because of your energy, not because you’re smart and have your act together.

By Emasculating a Man by Out-Manning Him

One sure way to lose a man’s interest is to make ourselves “smaller” or “less-than” so we don’t intimidate him. We play down our strengths, successes, and abilities because we think that men are competitive and want to be better than we are at everything. It’s simply not true!

If you’re a successful woman, revel in your success and happiness! Run everything at work, be firm, be tough, be managerial and multi-tasking. But when you’re on a date with a man, or at home, or hanging out together, don’t try to run or manage him.

There are subtle ways you may be doing this that completely emasculates a man and makes him feel not only terrible about himself, but turns him away from you. For example, he’ll tell you about a problem he’s having and you say, “You should do this …” or “If I were you, I wouldn’t do that …” This makes him feel managed—like he’s a child and you’re his mother. This isn’t a good feeling for a man. He wants to feel respected and admired, not mothered.

No man wants to be in a relationship with a woman that makes him feel like a child or with a woman who acts very masculine. When you take charge, have opinions about everything—including where you go and what you do—and what you think about him, you are displaying masculine energy.

You can be a doing, thinking, take-charge kind of woman at work, but in your love life, you should be a feeling, being and expressing kind of woman. This relationship enewsletter provides great suggestions for letting him be a man.

You can let a man know what you want and need by simply saying, “I’d like that” or “I don’t want that” or “that would feel good to me.” When he asks you where you’d like to go this weekend, you could say, “It would feel good to me to spend time outside enjoying the sun. I don’t want to stay stuck inside all day.”

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Next Page: Try to Manage Your Relationship →

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By Trying to Manage Your Relationship

Being a woman means taking charge of your own life, but letting him run the relationship.

If that sounds odd and unfair and plainly not at all about female empowerment. But here’s a new way to look at this: Love isn’t a management opportunity. When a man pulls away from us, going after him and trying to “talk it out” to get him back full-force again is the kiss of death for your relationship, not the spark that will re-ignite it.

Save management for your life outside your relationship with a man—your time, your money, your work, your environment. A man is not a chair. You can’t move him around and decorate him and sit on him and make opinions about him and tell him where to stand and expect him to feel anything but friendship or obligation toward you. That means don’t tell him what he should wear, don’t give him advice on his career, and don’t tell him what he should think about a certain topic.

To love, a man needs to be swimming in a sea of emotion; your emotion, shared willingly and openly. Your feelings are your compass, not your abilities. Your feelings are the most important part of you, the irresistible feminine part of you. Your feelings are what make you loveable and compellingly attractive to a man, especially if you speak about the way you feel and not about what you think.

So, the next time you’re tempted to manage and arrange things—stop yourself. Look inside your heart and body to find and share what you feel instead. Learn how to express yourself to draw him closer.

Next Page: Do Too Much →

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By Doing Too Much

One drawback to being an accomplished, smart woman is that you know how to get a whole lot done. Often all at the same time. It’s just easier sometimes to do it yourself than to wait for him to do it. It’s easier to call him and ask him out and get the movie tickets online and make the plans—all so you don’t have to experience the frustration of watching him do a job that’s less well done than how you’d do it.

The cure for this is to learn to be surprised by a man, and not work so hard to make things happen. A woman who’s busy rowing the “rowboat of love” leaves a man with nothing to do. He either sits back and enjoys the ride, or he does what we tell him to do—and I’ve never met a woman who thought either of those were attractive in a man.

So the next time you’re tempted to pick up those oars and do the work of the relationship—stop yourself. Instead—lean back in that “rowboat of love” and let him row. He will thrive, trust me. Let him decide to row and take the boat where he wants it to go. It’s always your choice to leave if you don’t like where things are going (or not going), but picking up those oars will only sink the boat, and leave you nothing to manage.

I’ve always been a woman who instinctively wants to take charge, and the way I was using those real, genuine strengths was killing my relationships with the men I loved. Over time, I learned how to harness my masculine, take-charge energy to become successful in my work, while basically giving up controlling a man in any way. This is what turned everything around for me nearly overnight. Keep reading to learn how you can do it too.

This article was originally published on DivineCaroline.com.

More From Divine Caroline:

Friends with Benefits Won’t Ever Benefit You

Top Five Signs He Could Be Mr. Right

Four Ways to Make Him Fall for You

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Why Chocolate Does a Body Good

Vicki Santillano | DivineCaroline — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 17:38:00 -0700

“Here’s to feeling good all the time,” declares Kramer in one of my favorite episodes of Seinfeld. He’s smoking and drinking when he says it, but for those of us on a more positive health path, there are plenty of other ways to do just that (or at least get close).

Consider endorphins, the chemicals that transmit information from one cell to another in the central nervous system and produce feelings of euphoria, intimacy, happiness, and overall well-being. Stress and pain are primarily what activate their release, because it’s when we experience those feelings that we need a mood boost most.

However, endorphin production is not limited to situations like worrying about a work performance review or being chased by a bear. There are much more enjoyable ways to reap the benefits of a surge of feel-good chemicals.

Exercise

Exercise is a surefire way to beat a case of the blues. Some even claim that exercising extra-hard will produce “runner’s high,” a euphoric state supposedly achieved through intense physical activity. Actually, the only reason I started jogging a few years ago was to see if this really exists, and while I certainly felt happier afterward, I couldn’t tell if it was from a rush of endorphins or simply from my relief that the run was over.

Up until recently, the reality of runner’s high was highly disputed in the scientific community. The idea that exercising produces an endorphin rush makes sense, since it puts the body under physical stress (muscles straining, heart pumping, etc.). But pinpointing whether that happens in the brain, and therefore affects mood, is much harder to do without harming the humans being tested. Luckily, improving technology makes such studies easier. In fact, a 2008 study published in Cerebral Cortex used a PET scanner on athletes’ brains both at rest and right after a two-hour run. Researchers found not only a significant increase in endorphins, but also that the endorphins attached to receptors in parts of the brain are responsible for emotions. Their discovery suggests a correlation between intense exercise and elevated mood levels.

Not a runner? Don’t get discouraged—any kind of moderate to intense exercise, like heavy weight lifting or interval aerobics, can create the same rush. But if you push your body to the point of serious pain, it can have the opposite effect.

Love and Affection

There comes a point in every relationship when passionate love (signaled by a racing pulse, decreased appetite, etc.) starts to wane. That’s when the relationship either comes to an end or, if endorphins step in, develops into something deeper and more meaningful. When you’re with someone you love and trust, a release of endorphins makes you feel secure, compassionate, and connected. It’s what strengthens long-term relationships.

Even if you’re not in love, just having physical contact with another person can achieve the mood increase. Hugging, holding hands, and other ways of getting close cause the same effect. You won’t feel automatically closer to an acquaintance you hug, but you will feel a small, albeit noticeable, rush of comfort. (Well, depending on the person, of course.)

Next Page: Eat Chocolate! →

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Chocolate

Though science hasn’t directly proven that eating chocolate lifts people’s mood, who isn’t a little happier after a square or two of sugary, creamy decadence? Chocolate contains well over three hundred chemicals, many of which affect happiness. It’s got phenylethylamine, a chemical the brain releases when we fall in love that makes us more alert and content. The tryptophan in chocolate prompts serotonin production and sends us into relaxation mode. As if these weren’t enough, eating chocolate also tickles our taste buds into triggering an endorphin release. It’s their way of telling the brain, “She’s eating something yummy; reward her!” Some in the scientific community feel that chocolate’s chemical combination is still too mild to bring about significant mood elevation. But if it really doesn’t make a difference, why do we crave it in times of stress and sadness—or at all?

Laughter

It’s said that laughter is the best medicine, but is that really true in terms of physical health? Researchers at Loma Linda University sought to find the answer by testing the blood of participants asked to either watch a comedic movie of their choice or watch nothing. The funny-movie viewers had higher endorphin levels in their bloodstreams than those who didn’t watch anything, both before, during, and after the movie, meaning that even anticipating laughing could signal an endorphin release. However, because the researchers couldn’t test the endorphins in the brain (where emotions are regulated), there’s no true way of knowing whether that actually enhanced the subjects’ moods. But, as with chocolate, most people feel better after a few belly laughs—you don’t need science to tell you that.

As we saw with the runner’s-high study, constantly improving technology might help us reach a more definitive conclusion about what affects endorphin levels in the brain. But getting bogged down in the science of endorphins can be, well, a downer. Here’s what we do know: exercising, being in love, getting hugged, eating chocolate, and laughing are instant mood lifters. And just about anyone can do at least one of these things at any given moment. The next time you’re in a funk, try watching something funny, taking a long walk, or eating a little chocolate. Science is still working to prove that these things have a physical effect on our moods, but that doesn’t mean we can’t do informal studies of our own. Now that’s my kind of research.

This article was originally published on DivineCaroline.com.

More From Divine Caroline:

Get Happy: Ten Ways to Improve Your Mood

Nine Ways to Turn a Bad Day into a Good Bad Day

Me and My Love ... for Chocolate

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9 Ways to Wake Up Earlier

What Your Work Dreams Really Mean

22 Affordable Ways to De-Stress

The Summer's Top 10 Fitness Holidays

PRNewswire — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 17:48:00 -0700

LONDON, June 8, 2010 - Improving your fitness during a holiday may seem quite the opposite of a relaxing break, but getting away from the daily grind and doing some energetic and revitalizing exercise can be the perfect re-charge. It's all about using your free time away to allow you to indulge in the things you can't always fit into your normal routine. So, have a look at realbuzz.com's 10 ideas for the perfect active holiday, each one guaranteed to give you your fitness fill!

1. Windsurfing & Sailing: Windsurfing is usually the more challenging of the two because you are always standing up and heaving on the rig; coordination and strength are the primary benefits - the more wind the better. Combining with the beach aspect of a holiday means you can't lose!

2. Skiing & Snowboarding: As well as being great fun, a holiday on the piste can be tailored to a wide range of fitness levels and brings CV, strength and coordination benefits. A week on the slopes will really tone the legs and bum.

3. Walking & Trekking: You can head to some of the most beautiful places in the world and combine a sightseeing holiday with a great CV strength and full-body workout by walking or trekking seriously. Include a fully loaded backpack and you are going to be doing a serious daily workout!

4. Cycling: Like walking, cycling can take you to some amazing places. It's a great fun holiday and good for the whole family. Perfect to boost your CV fitness and build leg strength of course.

5. Relaxing at the beach: Yes - believe it or not, if you are a regular fitness fanatic then a week relaxing allows your body to recover from the cumulative effect of exercise. A week on the beach will allow you to bounce back to it when you head home!

6. Surfing & Body-boarding: A fantastic way to keep fit whilst being in the sea and the sun. Both these sports need a good all-round level of fitness and help with CV fitness, strength and coordination.

7. Golfing: A very popular holiday activity and ensuring that you are doing the full 18 holes will maximize the impact a round can have on your fitness levels. Some courses are more demanding than others, but a good golfing break is guaranteed to maximize your CV fitness.

8. Scuba Diving: A diving holiday is a fantastic way to explore a generally unseen underwater world and is an activity which requires a useful blend of CV fitness, strength, coordination and flexibility.

9. Horse Riding: Equestrian sports like horse riding don't necessarily seem like they are good for fitness, but after a week's horse riding there will be muscles aching that you never thought existed.

10. Sport Specific - Nowadays you can choose running camps, triathlon camps and many other sporting disciplines. All are tailor-made to be a specialized holiday, focused on improving your ability in chosen sports - the perfect way to complement your lifestyle.

By going on a holiday and enjoying one of these activities you can guarantee you'll come back refreshed, with more energy and improved health and fitness levels.

9 Ways to Wake Up Earlier

What Your Work Dreams Really Mean

22 Affordable Ways to De-Stress

Good Coffee Is Vital to a Happy Workplace

Advertorial by Green Mountain Coffee — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 17:29:00 -0700

When employees are asked to do more with less, smart business managers look for creative, affordable ways to keep staff motivated. Now, new survey findings reveal that small perks like good, free coffee can have a major impact in boosting employee morale.

According to a recent national survey, three out of five employed Americans feel more motivated to do their best work when provided with perks in the office. Nearly half said small perks make them feel more valued.

“It’s important for business managers to recognize and reward their staff for their hard work, even if a tight budget only allows for small perks,” said Dr. Bob Nelson, a leading authority on workforce motivation, best-selling author, and co-founder of Recognition Professionals International.

Nelson points to fresh, free gourmet coffee as a commonly desired office perk that has a very high perceived value to employees. A recent national survey conducted on behalf of Keurig, Incorporated, a leader in single-serve brewing systems, showed 37 percent of employees surveyed would prefer free, daily fresh gourmet coffee or tea over a company’s annual holiday party.

Keurig’s Single-Cup Brewing technology makes it easy to reward employees by providing a variety of gourmet beverages for everyone’s tastes, without the waste, mess, and hassle associated with traditional coffeemakers.

A new small business coffee web site, www.BusinessCoffeeExpress.com, features the Keurig® Single-Cup Brewing System and a wide variety of coffee, tea, hot cocoa, and other beverages in K-Cup® portion packs. Convenient starter kits include a Keurig OfficePRO™ Brewer and the right amount of K-Cups®, condiments, and accessories for offices of different sizes.

Office managers can save time and money by setting up a recurring order through Office EXPRESS(sm), an automatic K-Cup delivery program. A coffee calculator on the web site helps determine how many K-Cups to order, based on the number of people in the office or the number of visitors expected each day. Businesses with busy waiting rooms, such as medical offices, beauty salons and auto garages, find Keurig Single-Cup Brewing to be an easy way to keep clients and customers happy.

The website offers over 100 varieties of K-Cup portion packs, including several new iced coffee and iced tea options. The new Brew Over Ice K-Cups are specially designed to brew directly over ice, so employees can enjoy a cool afternoon treat without leaving the office.

7 Ways to Fight Office Flab

Chelsea Bush | DivineCaroline — Wed, 26 May 2010 17:35:00 -0700

A growing concern for us working women: job-related weight gain. Not to mention cubicle-induced achiness, anxiety, lethargy, and dehydration.

But listen up, ladies: you don’t need to quit your office job to stay healthy and happy. Here are seven ways to reverse your cubicle woes and greet the evening with energy to spare.

1) Put Your Glutes to Work

There’s a theory that sitting for hours will cause our bums to flatten and hips to spread. Not sure if this has been scientifically proven, but most of us desk-bound women would probably testify to its truth! Use focused glute exercises to keep your beautiful backside in shape. Another great perk of working your glutes: because they’re part of your “core” muscles, strong glutes will give you better posture at your desk.

2) Pack Your (Lunch) Bags

It’s no secret that eating breakfast will help you lose weight, but make sure it’s a healthy breakfast. To energize your day, steer clear of the drive-thru on your way to work. It takes just a few minutes to pack a cooler with fresh breakfast, lunch, and snacks. (Try Elle Newmark’s recipe for the healthiest, tastiest, easiest breakfast ever.) If you do go out for lunch with the gang, follow MainStreet’s guide for ordering healthy at McDonald’s (is it possible?) and Core Performance’s 7 Rules for Eating Clean When You Eat Out.

3) Stay Sane Through the Night Shift

Whether you’re a nurse, bartender, law enforcement officer, or one of the many other women who work atypical shifts, you probably find that it’s tough to stick with your fitness regimen. But there’s hope for swing-shift and night-shift workers: read Ask Fitness Coach’s night shift tips for lodging exercise into your schedule, getting healthy meals at midnight, and securing your beauty sleep even when the sun has come up.

Next Page: Fire Your Office Chair →

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4) Fire Your Office Chair

Ever realize you’ve been hunched at your desk for hours, neck craned forward as you peer into your computer? Do you spend an entire commute slumped over the steering wheel with one elbow cocked up on the armrest? Add your laptop bag or briefcase to the mix and you have a recipe for postural disaster.

When you get tired of looking like the office vulture, get to work on strengthening your core. Not only will strong glutes keep you upright effortlessly, but strong back and abdominal muscles—also part of your core—will help you carry heavy loads with balance.

The great thing is you can work your core at work: just trade your office chair for a balance ball. Not keen on rolling a ball into work? Keep one in your home office or in front of the TV. “Sitting on an exercise ball, your body is constantly making small adjustments with the postural muscles, abdominals, gluteals, and leg muscles,” explains Wendy Bumgardner. “It is ‘active sitting’ rather than the slumping and poor posture we develop even in ergonomic desk chairs.”

5) Stay Fit on Business Trips

Don’t forsake fitness when you’re traveling for work! It’s not easy to focus on exercise when you have a full agenda in a foreign city, but there are simple things you can do to stay active. Try easy workouts in your hotel room (Kim Kardashian offers a few winners in her Fit in Your Jeans by Friday DVDs). You might choose to rent a bike or walk instead of hailing a cab. Make sure to read Fit Bottomed Girls’ list of fitness items to pack.

6) Avoid the Sedentary Trap

Many professional women confess that exercise helps them deal with job stress and long commutes. And while a daily gym or jogging session is great, you need more than an hour of activity to stay fit—especially if you work up to ten-hour days on your rump like many Americans.

“If you think your once-a-day training session counteracts the hours you spend sitting, think again,” warns athletic expert Tia Albright.

It’s easier than you think to steal extra training time: commute to work via foot or bicycle a few days a week. Take the stairs instead of the elevator and walk around the block on your lunch break. And for heaven’s sake, don’t trample the grass just to shave a minute off your trip into the building!

In the office, keep moving. Get up to refill your water bottle every hour (stretch your legs and avoid dehydration—both make for improved productivity). Have face-to-face conversations instead of emailing your coworkers as often as possible. For more tips on staying active beyond the gym’s walls, Active.com has a great guide.

7) Use Your Workplace Wellness Program

As women take on more and more responsibility at work and in their personal lives, workplace wellness is gaining momentum. Find out if your company has a wellness program, or if they’d be willing to start one. Last summer my employer sent me and several of my coworkers to a nature wellness retreat for working, stressed-to-the-max women. It sounded a little weird to me but turned out to be amazing and—for being only two days—it was infinitely rejuvenating.

This article was originally published on DivineCaroline.com.

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Top 5 Favorite Office Snacks

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Fitness Advice from Cops and Firefighters

Steve Berman — Thu, 13 May 2010 12:17:00 -0700

What’s one thing we all have in common with police officers and firefighters? While most of us probably don’t risk our lives on a daily basis, wear a uniform, or drive a vehicle equipped with a siren, the need to stay physically fit is something we can all relate to.

Stew Smith, a former Navy SEAL and author of several fitness and self-defense books, has been giving outstanding fitness advice to the members of PoliceLink and FireLink. However, many of his exercise tips work for those of us who don’t chase perps or rescue people from burning buildings. Let’s take a look at some of Smith’s best tips.

Running After a Long Break

Overuse injuries, such as shin splints or plantar fasciitis, can derail a running program before it even starts. Smith has some great tips for those looking to avoid injury when starting to run for the first time (or starting up after a long layoff):

1. Warm up properly, then stretch

2. Never stretch cold

3. Replace your running shoes once ever 2-3 months

4. Don’t run in any shoes other than running shoes

5. Check out the running program in Smith’s article for an idea of how you should progress over an 8-week period

Want to Lose Weight?

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Forget fad diets. According to Smith, there’s only one way to lose weight, and that’s to consume fewer calories than you burn. However, he advises that consuming too few calories will make your body go into “camel mode,” meaning your metabolism will shut down and you’ll store fat and water. Smith says never to limit your calories to less than 1,800 calories per day, because you’ll be missing out on key vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients.

Cardio Exercise and Resistance Exercise: Which to Do First?

What should you do first, cardio or weight/resistance training? What Smith says might surprise you.

For fat metabolism, Smith advises to start with resistance training first to burn up the glycogen stores in your body (make sure to stay hydrated first). That will ensure you have enough energy for the strenuous activities of weight training and/or calisthenics. After about 20-30 minutes of resistance training, you should be ready to burn fat at a higher rate during your cardio workout providing you keep the heart rate in what he calls the “fat burning zone.”

Next Fitness Tip: How to Eat (Healthy) and Run →

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Nutritional Tips for the Road

With the long shifts police officers and firefighters work, eating on the run is often a necessary evil. The same goes for all of us, especially if we’re traveling or busy with tons of errands or a stressful workday.

However, weight loss (or gain) doesn’t take a vacation. Smith says that when time is limited, you should still pay attention to the following:

1. Lay off the fast food

2. Eat before you leave the house

3. Pack a nutritious lunch at home to eat at work

4. Fit 30 minutes of workouts into your mornings

5. Set a regular eating schedule so you don’t find yourself skipping meals or binge eating
6. Walk more

7. Do crunches, sit-ups and lower back exercises and stretches every day, as they’ll make you pay attention to your food intake and stop gorging

Beer and Fitness? Can It Be?

Smith wrote an article about a former Navy Radioman who had developed a large belly after retiring, and wondered whether his habit of drinking 2-4 beers a day was the reason why.

Perhaps surprisingly, Smith didn’t come down all that hard on beer, but the inactive lifestyle the old Navy man had settled into. Moderate consumption (1-2 drinks per day) isn’t something Smith says we should be afraid of — it can even be beneficial. But only if you exercise at least 20 minutes per day. And binge drinking is never a good idea. After all, drinking four beers is like eating a Big Mac, and that’s never going to help you achieve your fitness goals.

So whether you’re catching perps, fighting fires, or just a normal everyday citizen battling spreadsheets, always know you can check out PoliceLink and FireLink for great fitness tips we can all use.

It Pays to Listen: Management Talks

Management Today — Wed, 12 May 2010 16:28:00 -0700

If 2009 was characterised by staff worrying about whether they will keep their jobs, in 2010 - which is showing tentative signs of recovery - the boot could be on the other foot.

This time, it is employers that could be worrying about how they manage to keep hold of the talented staff, the ones that survived the recession, but who could now be tempted to go.

But while better pay deals have historically followed economic hardship, it is not the case this time. With pay freezes still being maintained by a third of employers, according to the Incomes Data Service, and the fall-out from the excessive bonus culture still taking up column inches in the national press, (Barclays Capital was slated only last month for awarding an average Pounds 95,000 bonus to 23,000 investment bankers), one thing is clear: employers have been forced to examine more cost-effective reward strategies to stop staff jumping ship.

Another worry has emerged, though: 26% of respondents said an extra worry for them this year is managing staff expectations, with employees pressing for more perks.

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Paul Banfield, lecturer and programme director in organisational and HR management at Newcastle Business School Northumbria University, explains: "This is rather converse - managing expectations seems quite at odds with the macro-economic environment. With more jobs losses and issues of under- employment, employees should still be more concerned with keeping their jobs than pressing for more perks."

He adds: "The public sector is lagging behind the recessionary trends - but staff there need to realise the good times are coming to an end and they will have to get used to cuts and pay freezes before things get better."

Although more than a third (39%) of survey respondents saw flexibility of reward to meet the needs of business as a major concern for 2010, a smaller proportion (28%) were concerned about the flexibility of their reward packages in meeting the needs of employees. This suggests employers are putting business need first, in front of employee need. In fact, more than half of respondents thought employees actually lacked an understanding or appreciation of what perks were on offer.

Given 59% of employers either agreed or strongly agreed staff know how to access information about their rewards and benefits, (49% provide multiple channels to communicate benefits - up from 36% in 2009), it indicates HR professionals believe they provide all the information necessary, it's just that staff don't make use of it. Indeed, the 36% that said they conducted frequent research to find out employees' views and concerns around benefits provision is a drop from last year's results. Last year, nearly a half (47%) frequently asked for feedback on reward.

Mark Carman, director at employee benefits technology provider Motivano, says: "Last year it seems employers were asking staff what they wanted. This year they are doing the telling. It could be they are communicating the changes they have made after staff surveys - but it could also be they are scared to ask what staff want in case they cannot provide it."

**So What Do Employees Really Want?->**

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But Mike Cooke, director of organisational development at the London Borough of Camden and lead officer for pay and reward at the Public Sector People Managers' Association, adds: "It's fashionable to talk to staff about the 'fantastic benefits of total reward' but staff want different things. For example, in my council we offer a great final-salary pension, and 50% of lower grade staff don't take it up. They would rather have more holidays. Employers need to listen to staff and segment their communications."

Duncan Brown, director of reward at the Institute of Employment Studies, says: "This survey shows employers want to engage staff and boost performance, but if they are cutting staff surveys to save money, it will make staff cynical and less engaged."

It is apt to talk about pensions now, because the changes in legislation to come in October 2012 seem very close. From this date employers will be obliged to autoenroll staff into an occupational scheme. In these schemes employers must contribute at least 3% of an employee's salary and staff have to pay 4%. If the employer does not offer a pension scheme within these parameters they will have to provide a National Employment Savings Trust (NEST), formerly known as personal accounts.

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In the Reward Survey HR magazine asked how far respondents were prepared for the changes and found 21% were already making plans for the changes in legislation and 44% are considering the options. But a significant minority of 13% still did not feel properly informed about what the legislation would mean to their business. Furthermore, 22% had not given the issue any consideration at all.

The survey found just under a quarter (23%) of respondents are prepared to auto-enrol staff into their current defined- contribution pension, and 7% will offer lower earning staff a NEST scheme. But only 4% will implement NEST schemes for all staff and a massive 61% have not considered how they will change their pensions.

John Lawson, head of pensions policy at Standard Life, thinks this figure is "incredibly high" and "seriously disappointing". He said: "Employers need to make pension decisions now. New legislation will increase their costs base. At the moment, we estimate employers have 45%-50% take up rates on pensions but with auto-enrolment this could increase to 85%. So employer costs on pensions could double or even treble. This may mean companies might want to level down their contributions to save money."

Lawson believes employers might be delaying changing their pensions because of the upcoming General Election, but the Tories support Labour's proposals on pensions and, if they make revisions to the Pensions Bill, it could actually be to bring the timeline forward. "It is necessary to engage staff with pensions now," says Lawson. "This will allow employers to gradually phase in auto- enrolment before 2012."

Staying with the subject of pensions and finance, in 2009 HR magazine's Reward Survey found 43% of respondents did not believe their staff had enough financial information to plan effectively for their retirement. In 2010 more than three quarters of HR professionals (76%) agreed or strongly agreed employers have an opportunity to improve the financial awareness of their staff. But in spite of this, 39% still do not offer any form of financial education to staff, nor do they have any plans to do so. Almost a fifth (18%) admit they do not offer any education programmes now but have plans to implement them over the next 12 months.

Richard Morgan, head of consultancy services at Vebnet, says: "I think employers shy away from financial education as they do not see it as their role. As we come out of tougher times, though, staff are realising they have been naive about their personal finances. It is philanthropic for employers to educate them on their finances. They can use this to engage staff with a pension scheme or help them understand how their rewards and benefits fit into the larger plan."

Overall, the survey shows employers have come through the recession, having learned from the mistakes of the pay and bonus fiascos of 2008 and 2009. But if they want to use employee benefits more effectively to achieve their goals of recruitment, retention and engagement, a greater focus is needed on flexibility, financial education, pension strategy and two-way communication.

Morgan concludes: "Staff that feel treated fairly by their employer will be more likely to stay. We have to look at the reality: the world will not stop working if employers don't put more into reward. But if they seriously want to engage employees and rebuild after recession, they must do better."

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4 Career Lessons From Television

Hamsa Ramesha | AdminSecret — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 15:27:00 -0700

http://www.flickr.com/photos/vagueonthehow/ / CC BY 2.0

1. Once More With Feeling

The Show: Glee

Like any other classic tale of geeks banding together in the face of adversity, the outcast characters of Fox's Glee made drama and singing cool again. An aspiring Broadway starlet, the captain of the football team, the head cheerleader, and the lowest of social misfits on the school hierarchy made up McKinley High School's Glee club and survived numerous attempts of sabotage. Despite the spying, cheating, betrayal, and even more drama, the Glee club went on to win sectionals. Go team!

The Lesson:

Your office life can sometimes feel like you never left high school. The cliques, the posturing, the in crowd – it's enough to make you call in sick everyday!

Maybe a rendition of the feel-good "Don't Stop Believin'" by the Glee club is just what you need. Often times, in your career, you'll feel like the minority – unheard, unseen, uncared for. It's okay. Don't let it get you down and prevent you from getting what you want. Look for opportunities to be innovative and set yourself apart from the crowd. Most importantly, don't let haters get you down. There will always be competition trying to get that promotion, or naysayers who want to psych you out. Believe in yourself, and stay strong.

Next: Be a Visionary >>

[page]

http://www.flickr.com/photos/watchwithkristin/ / CC BY-SA 2.0

2. Be a Visionary

The Show: FlashForward

In FlashForward, a mysterious global event called the "Blackout" causes (almost) everyone to lose consciousness, and then see a vision of their lives in six months’ time. In his flash forward, FBI Special Agent Mark Benford (Joseph Fiennes) sees himself taking point on the investigation of the Blackout. Amid the international chaos, Benford makes his future a reality, driven by what he saw. Soon, his LA office becomes the lead FBI team on the case. Freaky.

The Lesson:

While it's probably a bad idea to go around claiming visions of the future, do take a step back and look at the big picture. Be a visionary — make your dreams a reality by working hard, speaking up, and aiming high. Nothing ever happened by doing more of the same! Visualize where you want to be in five or 10 years and start making changes now to meet that goal.

Next: Dare to Be Different >>

[page]

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ravenu/ / CC BY 2.0

3. Dare to Be Different

The Show: Castle

The devilishly handsome mystery writer Richard Castle (Nathan Fillion) decides to tailgate NYPD Detective Kate Beckett (Stana Katic) to gain insight into the criminal mind for his new book. The unlikely pairing of ABC's Castle works wonderfully: they're actually a pretty unstoppable crime-solving, bad-guy-catching duo… and hilarious, to boot!

The Lesson:

You don't have to be as witty as Castle or as hardcore as Beckett to realize that sometimes, trying a different approach can work wonders. The success of their partnership goes to show that when you dare to be different, the results can be amazing.

Don't be afraid to try a less common approach at the office, or to suggest an alternate angle on a project. Not only is this a great way to get you noticed by your peers, but your idea might pay off big time for your company, which makes you look great.

Next: Dress to Impress >>

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http://www.flickr.com/photos/kwintin/ / CC BY 2.0

4. Dress to Impress

The Show: Ugly Betty

Betty Suarez (America Ferrara) works at fashion magazine Mode, where the competition is deadly — sometimes literally. Betty is sweet and hard working, but with her shaggy hair, oversized glasses, metallic braces and tacky clothes, she’s also the ugly duckling in the fashion-forward office. Still, her professionalism and dedication to the job have brought her success on more than one occasion.

The Lesson:

The message of Ugly Betty may be all about inner beauty, but if a real-life Betty showed up at a magazine looking like she did, she wouldn't have lasted a day. Dressing professionally reflects on who you are personally and matters a lot in your career. But that also doesn't mean you should start crash dieting and break the bank on designer clothes!

Observe your office and corporate culture and imitate a similar sense of style. It's appropriate to wear heels or a tie at a big corporation, but jeans and a t-shirt may be fine at a startup. Unless you're telecommuting, coming to work like you rolled out of bed is never a good idea.

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More From Divine Caroline: Pleasure: The Best Nutrient of All Oh Yoga, I Love You! Obesity Without Health Risks – Can It Be True?

25 Things a Professional Woman Should Never Wear

*Crocs*

*Why not?*

*Try me instead:*

*The Exception* Celebrity chef Mario Batali. If you’re Mario, you have our blessing.

*Uggs*

*Why not?*

*Try me instead:*

*The Exception* Sheep farmers.

*Next Forbidden Item->*

*Fanny Packs*

*Why not?*

*Try me instead:*

*The Exception* If you're Hulk Hogan and your muscles make it impossible to put anything over your shoulder, this look is appropriate. Otherwise, never.

*Next Forbidden Item->*

*Scrunchies*

*Why not?*

*Try me instead:*

*The Exception* Cheerleaders

*Next Forbidden Item->*

*Sweatshirts and Sweatpants*

*Why not?*

*Try me instead:*

*Bonus hint* When you feel sick and miserable but still have to go in to the office (the worst!), looking sick and miserable won’t actually make you feel any better. Suggestion? Try dressing up even more than you usually would to give your morale a boost.

*Next Forbidden Item->*

*Footless Leggings and Spandex/Yoga Pants*

*Why not?*

*Try me instead:*

*The Exception* Acrobats, professional wrestlers

*Next Forbidden Item->*

*Leather Pants*

*Why not?*

*Try me instead:*

*The Exception* The cast of Rock of Love, outlaw bikers.

*Next Forbidden Item->*

*Face Tattoos*

*Why not?*

*Try me instead:*

*The Exception* Mike Tyson

*Next Forbidden Item->*

*Velour/Juicy Tracksuits*

*Why not?*

*Try me instead:*

*The Exception* Juicy Couture saleswomen

*Next Forbidden Item->*

*Message Tees*

*Why not?*

*Try me instead:*

*The Exception* Smirnoff girl

*Next Forbidden Item->*

*Showing Too Much Skin*

*Why not?*

More From Divine Caroline:

Pleasure: The Best Nutrient of All

Oh Yoga, I Love You!

Obesity Without Health Risks – Can It Be True?

Crocs

Why not?

Try me instead:

The Exception

Celebrity chef Mario Batali. If you’re Mario, you have our blessing.

Uggs

Why not?

Try me instead:

The Exception

Sheep farmers.

Next Forbidden Item->

Fanny Packs

Why not?

Try me instead:

The Exception

If you're Hulk Hogan and your muscles make it impossible to put anything over your shoulder, this look is appropriate. Otherwise, never.

Next Forbidden Item->

Scrunchies

Why not?

Try me instead:

The Exception

Cheerleaders

Next Forbidden Item->

Sweatshirts and Sweatpants

Why not?

Try me instead:

Bonus hint

When you feel sick and miserable but still have to go in to the office (the worst!), looking sick and miserable won’t actually make you feel any better. Suggestion? Try dressing up even more than you usually would to give your morale a boost.

Next Forbidden Item->

Footless Leggings and Spandex/Yoga Pants

Why not?

Try me instead:

The Exception

Acrobats, professional wrestlers

Next Forbidden Item->

Leather Pants

Why not?

Try me instead:

The Exception

The cast of Rock of Love, outlaw bikers.

Next Forbidden Item->

Face Tattoos

Why not?

Try me instead:

The Exception

Mike Tyson

Next Forbidden Item->

Velour/Juicy Tracksuits

Why not?

Try me instead:

The Exception

Juicy Couture saleswomen

Next Forbidden Item->

Message Tees

Why not?

Try me instead:

The Exception

Smirnoff girl

Next Forbidden Item->

Showing Too Much Skin

Why not?

Try me instead:

The Exception

Strippers

Next Forbidden Item->

Heavy – or no – Makeup

Why not?

Try me instead:

The Exception

Clowns, nuns

Next Forbidden Item->

What You Wore Yesterday

Why not?

Try me instead:

The Exception

Sports team mascots

Next Forbidden Item->

Sequins

Why not?

Try me instead:

The Exception

Lounge singers, Elvis impersonators

Next Forbidden Item->

Flip-Flop Sandals

Why not?

Try me instead:

The Exception

Lifeguards

Next Forbidden Item->

Piling on the Jewelry

Why not?

Try me instead:

The Exception

Fortune tellers

Next Forbidden Item->